Hello

Hello World,



This is me. Someone told me recently I should start blogging and since this person had a grand affect on me in many ways I've decided to take their advice. I am in a marvelous discovery process in my life just now. I've had dreams and goals just like everyone else. I've been deeply moved by lifes circumstances some of my own creating and others which have been largely out of my control. I've held true to my growing faith in many ways and wavered in many ways as well. I'm redefining systems that have been ingrained in me. I'm realizing I will make mistakes, I will not live up to a standard of perfection and that's ok. Waking this morning that old familier feeling of fear was looming over me. This feeling of not measuring up this insecurity it lurks around it stalks me jumping out at my most vunerable moments. Is it possible we all feel this way? Here is something I wrote today.



"What is striving? What is a longing that is greater than that for living for being for discovering? How is one's faith tested? I have had many test failed many tests. I've stood looking back wondering if only. I've stood looking forward believing I'll be better. I am not complacent I can't seem to conform. I am not silent not easy to be lead to water. I am a whirlwind I am the dancer dancing out of sync. I am the lover falling in to deep. I'm my own worst enemy my greatest critic my strongest ally. I run defense I run offense. I play the demon and the saint the jury and the judge. I would crawl backwards over glass to erase wrongs I've done. Then what need of grace would I have if I could undo time?"



One of the greatest passions I live for is to write. Sometimes I read a line in a book and it moves me so and I think I want to write that way. I want to string words together fluidly and in such a way that someone can identify with what I'm saying and feeling. There is a hope I believe in knowing you are not alone in this journey. John Donne said "No man is an island, entire of itself." I want to share my collection of scatter brained notes and ideas and possibly inspire someone to believe to have faith to know that living is just that. Maybe in doing so I will be able to overcome my own fears as well a little bit at a time.



"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1